Whenever I’m around people who bring up their worst fight with a spouse or partner, my mind always goes back to a time early in my marriage that I’ve dubbed the “pancake episode”. This is not going to rank up there with arguments you may have heard or had over money, children or sex. After all, It’s just flour, egg and milk. But it’s worth a mention because of what we can take away from it.

We had rented a beach house from a friend and were whipping up a batch of pancakes for breakfast. I glanced over to witness my husband flip a pancake that was already a deep golden brown on the top. And then another. And another. I literally flipped out. “Only one flip” I shouted. “Wait for the batter side to bubble and then flip once— that’s it.” He argued vehemently for his approach which was to flip as many times as needed so it is completely cooked through.

I agree it sounds pretty ridiculous now, but at the time it was everything. How could he not get what I was saying? How could he argue with a proven method that I grew up with? Why couldn’t he just admit he did it incorrectly and make the next batch my way…the right way?

This reminds me of everything we try to avoid in a business setting. If you observe someone handling a situation differently than you might, would you scream out instructions or ideas at them? Would you insist that your way was the only way, the right way? And if you did, would you expect them to look forward to their next encounter with you?

I D O N ' T T H I N K S O.

I invite you to consider if there is only one way to make a good pancake. Aren't your employees able to figure out how to do their jobs without hasty critics over their shoulder? Do colleagues know how to give feedback? Do people feel heard when another option is being presented? Are alternatives communicated in such a way as to achieve buy-in?

It takes a deliberate and consistent effort to actually engage with your colleagues. And that's true whether the business is humming along or whether it is struggling. Effective leaders recognize that their words and actions are critical business drivers. Are you and your leadership team spending an adequate amount of time and energy on this? Not advisable to wait until the employee engagement survey results are in.