I went with my husband to see his doctor this summer because he had been suffering from a very painful sore throat for a few weeks.

The nurse checked his vital signs and then asked "You're not depressed or anything, are you?" I was stunned and horrified at the same time. Not because of the question-- but because of how she WORDED the question.

I was aware that primary care providers are now being encouraged to ask patients about feelings of anxiety as part of a routine checkup -- apparently based on new recommendations from an influential health panel. It's the kind of recommendation that typically changes the way healthcare professionals practice medicine and makes total sense-- find people and address concerns earlier rather than waiting for them to come forward with signs or symptoms.

What I am also acutely aware of is how we communicate-- the words we use or omit, the tone, the order, the negatives, the acronyms, jargon-- all dictate what someone takes away from the message and whether they feel heard or seen or understood.

It's quite possible the nurse was new to collecting this information and wanted to avoid sounding as if she assumed anything. But by saying it this way, she sets up the patient for an easy negative response.

Imagine what happens if she takes a moment to practice her new message out loud or to another colleague. Maybe she modifies it to something like "have you experienced any feelings of depression or anxiety lately?" This creates a situation without communicating judgement or leaning into a negative response. It actually opens up the possibility of a dialogue. And dialogue promotes understanding.